Red Ink & Drink Edition One

Things your editor hates

Raconteur Press loves to ensure everyone on our staff has a voice. In this case, one of our copyeditors pinned the social media guy to the wall with a battle axe and demanded his be heard. Initiative is a thing here at Rac Press, so without further ado, meet our new chief copyeditor, Farnsworth.

Yeah, Farnsworth is an Orc.

Farnsworth:

I hate all of you. Have you seen the trainwrecks some of you “writers” have submitted? My list of grievances is long and I’ve been drinking.

If your sentences go on and on for five or six lines of text, include words like “and,” “but,” or “as” multiple times, then use a freakin’ period already. We are not going to run out of periods any time soon. The Chinese sweatshops are pumping them out by the barrel. There isn’t a max sentence threshold. Frankly, using periods may cut down on the word count I see some of you “wordsmiths” always bellyaching about. “Oh, I can’t write short.” Well, your damn sentences are half a mile long!

Here’s an example: “She turned to left, but knew the corridor was booby-trapped. She decided to go right, but could hear the shuffling of zombies just around the corner. She wanted to stay put, but understood that indecision would kill her.”

Do you need to have “but” in every sentence? I edited a story today that included “but” almost seventy times in a 5k story! “He knew what was happening, but found himself incapable of doing anything but watching as the shuggoth emerged one inky black polyp at a time.” I hope the damned shuggoth eats you.

Do yourselves a favor and proofread your work! Read it out loud. Use the search function of your docs to find overused words like “was”, “were,” “so,” and friggin’ “but.” When you see the river of “but,” just know that you have written a river of ass.

Don’t be a but-head.

Farnsworth

Chief Copy EditOrc

Raconteur Press