Homework: Moggies of Mars

Rita discusses what we're looking for in kitten & planet stories

Longtime fans of sci-fi will surely grok the loving tribute to Edgar Rice Burroughs implied by Moggies of Mars. A Princess of Mars was one of the sword and planet stories by ERB from All-Story Magazine that serialized these tales in several issues of that pulp magazine in 1912. There’s much to love in the writing of ERB and his brilliant take on the whole sword-and-planet notion, and we got to thinking that maybe throwing cats into the mix would be a great way to pulp up the volume, so to speak.

To that end, I’d like to mention a few attendant features I hope to see in stories submitted for Moggies of Mars. Think gladiator spaghetti western on another planet with swords, blasters, populated by butt-kicking dudes and bodacious ladies barely contained by strappy leather doo-hickeys, even though they are kicking butt, too. Feats of derring-do abound! Cultures clash! People misunderstand each other in every possible way and many languages! Feelings are hurt, things slip sideways, and stabbing/blasting ensues! Someone probably needs rescuing, and maybe they’ll fall in lurve! All this, and with cats, too!

“Meeee-oow!”

Attire is not limited to the strappy leather. Probably there’s a grand mage or evil queen who has a bigger wardrobe budget, giving the author the opportunity to dude them up properly. Most likely, though, people fighting in a hot place don’t want to be encumbered by many layers of garb. If your story features a giant slug warlord/kingpin, do please cover up at least the personal bits—let us wonder if their rage is an attempt to compensate for shortcomings, tyvm.

Weaponry may include swords and blasters, but I’d caution you not to go too high-tech. I think the early part of Episode IV on Tattooine looks very sword-and planet, with vast desert vistas and an old-west array of shady characters.

Forms of transport may include the local fauna, and also open-decked sky-craft like landspeeders.

Does your protagonist need to be from Earth? Not necessarily, but if you’ve read the books, you read with wonder as a seemingly defenseless John Carter arrives mysteriously on Mars and amidst a bloody great bunch of local hostiles. The saving grace is that his own habit of greater gravity on earth makes him appear extraordinary as he can evade his captors by leaping great distances high and away in the dramatically reduced gravity of Mars. How clever of ERB to use science to enrich the characteristics of a guy against whom all odds appear at first to be impossibly stacked! My belief is that you have the ability to innovate similarly clever details about your character(s) and world to the delight of your readers. Adding cats to your extraordinary story will only add to the intrigue and titillation for your readers.

As the stories progress, John Carter eventually earns the respect of the Martians, and he is accepted as one of their tribe. Conflict is important for every story, else we’ve just written a descriptive passage that will not stick with the reader for long, no matter how well-composed it is. Consider the possibility of turning an unwinnable conflict into détente, or even into friendship and love. For me, one great hallmark of sci-fi is the way we can remove very human types of conflicts from our earthly frame of reference and possibly examine the sense or lack thereof of these conflicts from a neutral framework in a made-up world. Let your mind play with these possibilities, and you may surprise yourself and delight all the rest of us in the process.

As ever, show, don’t tell. Burroughs is a beast when it comes to forthright economy that conjures big pictures without extraneous detail. Consider this toothsome passage from A Princess of Mars:

“The morning of our departure for Thark dawned clear and hot, as do all Martian mornings except for the six weeks when the snow melts at the poles.”

Can you see all the gritty detail about the setting the writer gives without pages and pages of exposition? We learn here that ERB’s version of Mars has snow-capped poles, the mornings are nearly all hot and clear. The passage also leads the reader to wonder what change to the weather is wrought by the melting of the icy poles. Consider the rich detail in this 28-word sentence which contains only two adjectives. Could he have stretched this into pages and pages of exposition? Yes, but we don’t need the exposition. From this brief bit of text, my brain conjures a vast post-card blue sky with a landscape that would look at home in a Sergio Leone western, coupled with the oppressive heat I know only too well as a resident of Texas. See how I’m gas-bagging about this passage? This is unnecessary for your story. Give gritty elements that set the scene for your reader and move on with the real action we so desperately crave.

On the matter of felines, think of the opportunities of an earthling cat with their sweet moves when gravity becomes even less of a factor. Can you imagine the possibilities? It could be glorious. Maybe someone brought a pair of cats to Mars in the same way a well-intentioned knucklehead brought rabbits to Australia. Maybe space pirate cats hang out on Mars because it’s the most gloriously vast litterpan ever. You tell me.

Do please remember that Blowfuzzy will be your editor, and remember that she doesn’t like overly-graphic descriptions of gory stuff, and if your characters must get up to sexy-time, let it be closed door, s’il vous plait. As for salty language, err on the conservative side, and grow a frelling creativity chip already, okay?

Above all else, if you have fun with your story, we’ll have fun with your story. We can’t wait to see what you have to write!